This article is a submission for the Ayahuasca Awareness Program, an initiative by the Spirit Vine Center in Brazil. The program aims to help increase awareness of the potential of ayahuasca by sponsoring free ayahuasca retreats every month for people who feel the call for spiritual development with ayahuasca and other methods.

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The Call

What is calling me
Birds, mountains, trees
Sky, Spirit, sea
Who is me
What am I
What if I could fly

I’d travel light
My beating heart in flight
Radiate from above
Unconditional Love
To lift others high
Out of the “I”
The storm
Unconscious, forgotten light

A dream I hold
Asleep Awake
While Ego lurks and plots to take
The Oneness
The Source
All that is connecting me
Through Nature’s healing energy

Sitting in stillness
Silent within
I Listen
I hear the call

Birds, mountains, trees
Sky, Spirit, sea
Yearning to be
My true identity

Nature is my God. The one I go to in times of joy and sadness, confusion and fear, hope and despair. The one I call upon for Love and light. The one that brings me home…

As a child, I remember laying upon the clover covered grass, gazing up to watch the billowy clouds float across the sky. The warmth of the sun radiating through my solar plexus, as feelings of curiosity and wonder, and a sense of belonging consumed my Divine young soul. Whatever worries I had as a 6-year-old were forgotten, as I drifted off into ecstasy, just me and my God.

Somewhere along the way those feelings of oneness dissipated and my identity as a separate “self” evolved. With that identity came the attachment to ego and stories of unworthiness narrated by a persistent inner critic always quick to remind me that I wasn’t enough. I began living an unconscious life, beholden to cultural and societal expectations and blind to the beauty of Nature and the Universe.
It took nearly 20 years and an experience with psychedelics in Sequoia National Park for me to encounter that profound sense of oneness again. Waking up and reconnecting with God in an expanded state of consciousness, there was no separation. I was one with the majestic trees, rooted and grounded to the earth, as free and as open as the sky toward which they grew. My breathing in sync with the flowers blooming in the bright green meadow. My heart beat reflecting off the luminescent rays of the sun. Harmonizing with all of creation, blissful and bountiful feelings of joy and peace gently permeated my being. It was clear to me that life was so much more than just existing in the material world. The question that remained though, was how do I make that reality penetrable in the other states of consciousness?

I wasn’t a newcomer to hallucinogens. I had been on quite a few adventures with LSD and psilocybin prior to that seductive encounter in the forest. However, never before, or after, have I transcended to a place of such intuitive recognition in my mind, body and soul. Unfortunately, that visionary peek into reality was just a peek, and for the next 20 years would be suppressed.

Living a life of self judgement and holding on to what was not serving me clouded whatever sense of life purpose I longed to pursue. Seeking happiness on an outer, rather than inner level. and residing in my intellectual, rather than intuitive mind, I lost my connection to spirituality. Residing in my comfort zone, resisting my fears and numbing my emotions with alcohol was my reality.

A few years ago, I found myself on a journey to spiritual recovery, self-awareness and purpose and decided to make some changes in my life. I began to meditate daily and practice Kundalini yoga. I started journaling again, reading spiritual books, listening to podcasts and participating in workshops. I pray, give gratitude and spend time in Nature. I’ve also completely eliminated alcohol from my life. Respective of these significant changes, I have noticed growth in many areas of my life. Still, there are numerous limitations, obstacles and barriers on my path that prove quite difficult to navigate, despite the amount of inner work I do.

It is said that you will know when Mother Ayahuasca calls upon you. I have received the call and I am ready to go and heal with the sacred plant spirits. I know there will be shadows to face and darkness to purge, but I also know that it is this medicine that will facilitate my journey back home to the Nature of my true Self…

Author: Tanya Dunn

Self professed biophiliac and a seeker of  peace and purpose

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