This article is a submission for the Ayahuasca Awareness Program, an initiative by the Spirit Vine Center in Brazil. The program aims to help increase awareness of the potential of ayahuasca by sponsoring free ayahuasca retreats every month for people who feel the call for spiritual development with ayahuasca and other methods.

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My Awakening

My awakening (coming to remembrance)  started about 5yrs ago I was in a very dark place, rock bottom. I was in so much emotional pain and suffering that I just couldn’t take it any more. So during what I refer to as my 3 days of darkness I cried over and over non stop, listen to 4am by Kaskade and drank vodka till I passed out. During this time I got down on my knees and cried and called out with pain in my heart “If there’s a higher power at there please please help me. I’ll change, I’ll do anything! I can’t live like this any more I don’t want this any more” See at this time I had no connection to anything. I had left my church around age 13 when I saw my pastor treating a family in the church a way that didn’t seem very loving to me especially coming from a pastor. I dabbled with tarot cards and psychics as time went on but didn’t have a connection to anything or care to or even thought about it. Until those 3 days of darkness hit and I just couldn’t take any more pain or suffering. My world totally changed after those 3days. I had invited something in and it began to guide me on a different path. All of a sudden I started becoming interested in Buddhism and juicing and chakras and spiritual books like a New Earth by Eckart Tolle and 72 Names of God by Yehuda Berg.

         After my 3 days of darkness it appeared as though I was being guided. I had called out to some Higher Power and now new interest, synchronicities and mystical experiences were happening. To me it was magical and amazing, new and unreal and definitely positive cause even though sometimes experiences were tough or hard I could see things were gradually getting better. My life was finally turning around. So I’m guessing it was about 4 or 5 months after my 3 Days of Darkness (rock bottom) that a girlfriend of mine invited me spontaneously like right in the moment to go to Sedona with her. Her and I had never gone but had talked about it. So I said ok and we left that night. Sedona was Amazing! It’s one of my favorite places to go, especially because I’m so sensitive to energy, its truly just a magically place! So we stayed for 2 days. Hiked about 4 different vortexes and enjoyed the views. It’s so beautiful there with all the steep canyons. So we got to the vortex called Cathedral Rock and started hiking up it. It’s no easy hike to the top but we did it. Now let me add something here by this time I was practicing mediation (fairly new to it) and seeing 11:11 a lot (something else we can talk about another time) So we got to the top of the canyon and I say ok I think I’m gonna sit down and meditate. I look at my phone right after saying that, it’s 11:11. I smile real big and take that as a sign that yes its’s time to meditate. So I look around and from a distance I see a spot that looks perfect for me at the highest point of this cavern. I go over to the spot get ready to sit down and I see a huge star carved into the rock where I was about to sit. I’m stunned, I start laughing and say to myself “yup this is the spot” cause the star has significance to me due to my name. Stars have always been important to me my whole life so it was the perfect sign once again. So I put my headphones on to do a 15 minute chakra opening meditation and let me tell you it was at that time my second most intense magical mediation ever! I had my eyes close and I started seeing twirling vortexes of different bright colors yellow, red, orange etc. All the chakra colors. All I could do was smile and cry at the same time. It felt so liberating. When I finished I tried to explain to my friend why I was crying but it was hard to explain it was such a joyful blissful cry. So we hiked back down and enjoyed the rest of our evening. We hiked a few more different vortexes and had many magical moments. So to top this trip off as we drove out of Sedona and started getting to higher elevation we saw snow. So we decided to pull over and take a few pics because it was pretty. We stopped and I took a pic out my window of the passenger side of the truck but then I decided to instantly turn around to the back view and take a pic and right when I turned around I broke into tears as I snapped a picture and noticed a yin-yang of hearts in the clouds. I knew this was a magical moment cause it instantly made me cry and as time has gone on I’ve learned when I tap into that angelic connection that divine energy i always cry. Not tears of sadness but tears of beauty and love its an amazing feeling. What was even more amazing was when I looked down at my phone to look at the picture I noticed something besides the yin-yang of hearts. On the left hand side was a a face in the clouds smiling. My angels are making their presence known.

    This whole trip was a huge game changer for me. Not only did I appear to open up my chakras and become a channel of light for my angels to connect with but I was also was visited by my star family. So my friend and I were driving back from Sedona still in awe over the beautiful time we had just had in Sedona. We’re on the interstate in Arizona and we start noticing how beautiful the sky is and how it seemed like there was a lot of stars. More then we had ever seen before, it was so incredible. We guessed since we were in higher elevation and the sky was clear that we were able to witness this beautiful sky. Anyways, shes driving and I’m in the passenger set gazing out the  windshield at all these beautiful stars. I notice a really bright one up in the sky but straight ahead of us and I’m in a good mood so I start singing in my head “we’re following the north star”. As I’m singing this I’m just gazing at this bright light and then all of a sudden it moves. It’ zig zags from left to right in a downward motion. Zig Zag, from left to right in a downward motion and then again zig zag. I instantly point and say ” oh my god, did you see that? That light it just zig zaged zig zaged in a downward motion” and I show here with my pointer finger what it did. So we start watching the light as we are looking for an exit to pullover. Then it appeared as if it came forward then turned around and shot off away from us and instantly disappeared. Now we had not been talking about ufo’s what so ever on this trip. The topic was not even on our mind but I know what we saw. Afterwards we finally got to an exit and looked up at the sky to see if we could see something but it was just stars. With stars if you stare at them long enough they appear as if they are moving and they aren’t. That’s different from a bright light doing a zig zag downward movement. Stars don’t do that or appear to do that from staring at them. Besides what we saw I instantly knew this was a UFO there is just an absolute knowing that comes to you when this happens. I have not one doubt in my mind and that’s also how I know that’s what we saw that night. It made me wonder are the angel and my star family one in the same or are they two separate things. They both are giving me guidance and have been with me through this whole journey of awakening that began after those 3 nights of darkness. I’ve heard this is called the hero’s journey what came after my Dark Night of the Soul.

        Another time my friend and I took a rode trip up to Humboldt County where the Redwoods are. It starts at the very top of California, we  drove along the coast and had more mystifying spiritual experiences, well to me at that time it appeared so. Later I learned we were experiencing synchronicity. So we drove from Vegas all the way up to Humboldt County where the Redwoods are. She had a friend up there and had visited once and said there was no place like it, so much beauty. So I said let’s go and we headed off. A two week road trip. We drove from Las Vegas up to Humboldt visited her friend drove thru the Redwoods, visited a place she said was called the “Lost Coast” cause it was off the beaten path and wow was it a hidden gem. A beautiful beach filled with waves and sand, space and no one and nothing but the beach and the ocean, loved it. Anyways, we took interstate 1 all the way down from Humbodlt county to San Deigo and let me tell you if you haven’t done that yet put that on your bucket list. It was the most beautiful drive ever! We stopped so many times to take pictures. The real treat was stopping in  Fort Bragg California and horse back riding along the coast, I’d love to do that again! This trip was so beautiful and fun but the magical part was all the synchronicities that happened while we driving along the coast line. Every song that played along that drive was in sync to where we were or what we were doing or what we were talking about it was so crazy. This was when synchronicity was new to me. For example. This song was saying “black and gold all I see is black and gold” and that’s all we were seeing at the moment cause it was dark out and the road was black and the lines were gold. Then the same song said something about a beacon of light right as we drive by a beacon of light from a light house along the coast. Another example, we stopped at hotel and i went up to the door to see if any rooms were available. The door was locked but the girl come up to the door and opened it and said they were closed and slammed the door in my face. I get back in the car tell my friend we turn the music back on as we drive off and the song says something about having a door slammed in your face. This went on the whole drive. Made the trip quite phone and magical. I still have this kind of stuff happen to me every day except now I know more about what it is. From researching and reading books and watching videos. Synchronicity, from my understanding it’s me following my intuition. I’m right on path, a wink from the universe saying yes your connected and where you are suppose to be. the universe speaking to you. I love it! Makes life so much more fun and interesting.

        So besides the mystical stuff I got back into yoga but then felt pulled to do some more spiritual yoga so I started practicing Bhakti Yoga and getting into some of the Hindu teachings. I started going to Kirtan events, which are my favorite. The best way to connect with the divine I feel. Every time I practice Bhakti Yoga or Kirtan which is just another form of yoga all devotional yoga, heart center yoga I cry and I feel pressure right between my eyebrows, where my third eye is. This is always confirmation to me of connecting with source, universe, higher power. Whatever you wish to call it.  

        Through this awakening I gradually got out of the party scene that I was so lost in for years of my life. It took time it was not over night or in a few months but year by year I dropped every addiction I had and my interest in clubs or partying. Which has been the best part about this. I feel so much better, have so much more energy and love for myself. Ready to live life and have experiences instead of wasting my time and money on the party scene. The last time I drank it was one glass of red wine with my dinner which is acceptable in my eyes. I stopped smoking cigarettes too.

        I’ve been in the entertainment industry for most my life. From Exotic dancing to mainstream modeling to adult entertainment. I was guided by the universe, my angels, star family the steps to take to pull out of it and so I am. My passion is pulling at me to persue and I’m in the middle of making my transition. I canceled agency contracts, social media accounts, websites, stores, networks, and emails. Donated all my costumes and outfits and let go of it all. Riding on faith that the guidance I was getting is real. Then I started my new website, social media accounts, youtube channel, blog and business. Registered my business and made a commitment. I have been feeling pulled to become a healer and to help and inspire others along there path of awakening since 2012. I’ve done lots of research, read books, watched many videos, took classes, been to workshops and conferences since 2012 to prepare me for this. So I now start my spiritual career as a Inspirational and Intuitive Spiritual Coach, Multidimensional Channel and Angel Tarot Card reader. I picked up my first deck of tarot cards when I was 14 and dabbled in psychics after that for most my life and then in 2012 I picked back up the tarot cards and have 3 different decks now. Although I mostly use my ArchAngel Power deck. At this time that’s the deck I’m most connected with.

        I wrote so much and let me say out of the past 5yrs this does not even cover it all. So much more I could share but I’m not writing my book yet, soon. I’m hoping to do this ayahuasca experience so I can further my spiritual studies and be able to heal others. 

I’m feeling drawn to becoming a healer and help others heal there lives. This all started for me 5 yrs ago. That was when I finally surrender and asked for change and started receiving so many blessings. It has not been an easy ride. I always like to compare it to a roller coaster and it has no end. More lessons and opportunities for growth keep coming my way and I’m loving this experience. This is a glimpse of my spiritual journey.    

Author: Starie Jourdan



Instagram: Intuitivestarchild



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