This article is a submission for the Ayahuasca Awareness Program, an initiative by the Spirit Vine Center in Brazil. The program aims to help increase awareness of the potential of ayahuasca by sponsoring free ayahuasca retreats every month for people who feel the call for spiritual development with ayahuasca and other methods.

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Living and Accepting my Truth

The truth of my heart and soul feels scary, vulnerable, unsure and clogged. Like a kink in a pipe, I struggle to open up and become naked self to who I am.  

I prefer to stay mute/ silent. To pretend it is not so. To stay in a space of unsaid, unfelt, unheard, unknown. A space of confusion, ambiguity, lack of self awareness. I prefer not to see clearly. The truth could hurt, could scare me. And I want to avoid suffering. At all costs… I prefer to focus on what is positive, what I want to believe… and avoid, dismiss the rest. I prefer to manipulate, hide the truth, than to face it. I prefer the easy way, the comfortable way… the way of least resistance. To run, withdraw, retreat.

This has been my story, my strategy in the past. My defence mechanism. And well that has served me well, Now, I choose another way.

Now I am ready, able, willing, open to face the truth. To stand up to it and let it guide me, teach me, forge me, empower me, inspire me. I’m open to see my shadow side and embrace that which I have denied existence, that which has kept me from knowing my true self.

I am mature, strong enough to stand still and welcome the truth. All its dimensions, aspects, faces will be accepted, seen, heard, felt… fully. All the way. 

I am not afraid.

I am in it. Come rain, come sunshine. Come abandonment, come commitment, come betrayal or loyalty, withdrawal or closeness, trust or mistrust, hate or love, abundance or lack. It does not matter to me. Not anymore.

I accept the truth in my heart, soul, body, spirit… the truth that reveals itself everyday and sets me free to be me and contribute as me. 

If you cannot hear or speak the truth, with sincerity, humility and love … we are not meant to walk together. We can accept that, we can forgive that… and walk different paths. Yet, we cannot co-create, collaborate, or partner. There is no foundation for that. 

I choose truth, awareness, growth, love. I am bored by mindgames, deceits, masks… mine and that of others. Truly bored. This game keeps us stuck, endlessly repeating the same cycles and patterns. Beating around the bush. It is exhausting… uninspiring.

I am done with that. 

This part of my persona… the “nice” one, the.. I am telling you what you want to hear and I am not asking what you cannot give…I am ok with everything and everyone… I do not rock the boat. Yes, that one has died. 

To give space to fierce, loving authenticity. To inspire truth, light transparency. Wise innocence. Mature presence. 

There is a time and space for play, fun, games, shapeshifting… yes!:) 

And, there is a time for truth, clarity, a YES and a NO, loyalty, accountability.

This is my choice.

This is my Rebirth.

This is my authentic self.

This is the good and bad, the yin the yang and everything together.

To be fully present, as my natural, authentic, vulnerable, strong Self.

I choose… 

Unconditional authenticity. 

Regardless of the consequences.

Rooted in love, light, wisdom and a deep desire to evolve and grow.

I’m committed to letting go of the past, embracing the process and to knowing who I truly am. 

I’m committed to meeting the new me.

What are you choosing?

Love & light,
I am Kenyan, lover of life, spiritual influencer, adrenaline junkie, eco champion, globe trotter, fitness enthusiast and unbounded co- creator of my experiences. Jessy is passionate about people and how each one can push their boundaries. I thrive by empowering women to live a life without limits and create a new version of self.

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