It is a strange thing we call enlightenment. What does happen to someone to have this feeling of connection? What marks the difference between before and after?
I was 26 years old when I felt I had reached most of the goals I had set in my young life. But once there I looked around and nothing happened. It didn’t fulfill me the way I thought it would. Reality often falls short from the dream.
I needed more. I needed to understand my purpose. I needed true happiness so I looked for it in the most basic form. One of the things that made and still makes me really happy is snowboarding. So I left my life on the Canadian east coast to move to a small village in the Kootenay Mountains. I felt the need for a simpler way of life and found it there. So what was supposed to be a year off enjoying mountain life became a 2 year retreat and somewhat spiritual journey.
It’s there that I first heard of Ayahuasca. Having done my share of experiencing with recreational drugs I was instantly interested by the spiritual aspect of the ceremony. It was the first time someone introduced me to something that had a purpose other than just “tripping” I knew then that it was just a matter of time before I got to live this. Fortunately for me about a year later, a friend of mine who knew of my interest told me that a ceremony was happening close by in a few months and that he may be able to get me in.
My first night went well and was a great initiation but I didn’t get to see much. Still felt like a weight had been lifted. I went back home and spent the next day hearing this voice in my head saying: “You need to come back, it was great meeting you but we didn’t really have time to talk. I have more to say to you.” I called the group and they invited me for the third night. It’s on that night that I believe was visited by my spirit animal. More like my spirit animal was coming out of me letting me know what tribe I belong to. My life has never been the same since.
A month later I was back in the city and felt this clash of being so awake when surrounded by so many sleepwalkers. This new found energy and awareness helped me going thru many situations but it is hard sometimes to find ways to regenerate and rest. It’s been almost 5 years and since then I have cumulated a lot of pain and energies that are not mine, especially from one person. This pain doesn’t serve me anymore. Like you probably know, being an empath attracts a lot of “broken people” and it is always a challenge to try and help yet not be too affected by their pain.
It is both a curse and a blessing to feel everything so deeply as they say.
I notice now that this new found light is dimming. My routine, the way I eat, the way I feel is not at its best. It’s time to cleanse my body and soul to allow me to help other as best I could, to put some fuel on this flame and light up the entire room.
This was a brief history of my path. Hoping that a stop at your retreat is part of this strange road I embarked on.
Author: Michael Berrigan
