To the bereaving of my soul (these days of my abandons)

This article is a submission for the Ayahuasca Awareness Program, an initiative by the Spirit Vine Center in Brazil. The program aims to help increase awareness of the potential of ayahuasca by sponsoring free ayahuasca retreats every month for people who feel the call for spiritual development with ayahuasca and other methods.

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To the bereaving of my soul (these days of my abandons)

As far as I can remember my greatest fear has been to be abandoned. When I was younger I was scared to death in the dark. My nights were haunted by strangers that were determined  to take me out, out my bed, out of my home. What if they left? My mum, my dad, my family ? What if they decided to leave me alone, in this house? I was terrified. Too young and too shy to expose my fears I just had to deal with my demons. A tremendous burden of fear for a little girl. I needed extra support and attention and during my teenage years it turned really bad as I developed a food disorder, an effort to make myself … visible… The more weight you loose the more people are starring at you. I fight with those disorders for about 10 years. I was testing my body as a destruction for my mind, would it abandoned me if I push it to the limit? 

Once my food addiction was finished it was replaced with another and drugs come into my life offering a “release” to my food problems. Metamphetamine also called speed allows you not to eat, not to sleep and drive you to serious break down. I was young and thought I was free I didn’t have any ideas of how I treat my body, how I treat my soul. I was obsessed by drugs, parties and escaping from the routine world.

Then I met him : tall, blond, funny, beautiful and held a similar philosophy on drugs.

We were both blinded by each other bliss, we put ourselves in lots of trouble but we were also strong together. I continue to think that I just needed him at that time and he just needed me. We were complete and I was so far from myself, existing somewhere in between Alice in wonderland and bloody hell. 

After eight years he finally left me, twice…and I fell appart in a living nightmare. I cried, I prayed, I screamed… The rollercoaster of emotion just started and my heart ❤️ get smashed in an infinite loop. Luckily I was surrounded by very good friends and 4 years ago when he left me the first time I found a profound guidance in yoga. At that time yoga had been slowly weaving it’s way into my life. I started to think a little out of the box and wanted to take care of my body and begin healing my soul and spirit. When he finally left me my life continued but inside I was completely broke. I went to psychotherapy and doctors who wanted to treat me with western médecine and antidepressants but I didn’t want to enter another addiction so I turned to medecin that were closer to my everyday yoga life. As a music lover I went to music therapy, I worked on chakras with stones, saw astrologue, and ventured down the avenue of Neurofeedback research.

I became attached to the practice of yoga and sports in general, long talks with my friends, no more drugs and meditation.

I listened more to myself but still there remained a void as I felt utterly alone.

During those last years all this different approaches made me aware that a different world connected with natural energies is lying there so close.

I’ve been vegetarian for 15 years and now I know that you heal yourself following alternative medicine or principles that have been practiced for millennia.

On the 7th of July I will turned 35 and I hope to find ease and peace with myself entering your retreat.

I leave in hope of soon sharing in your and ancestors knowledge.


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Spirit Vine COVID-19 Update

Last Updated: 5th May 2021

As travel has opened up in different parts of the world, we have resumed our retreats since October 2020. In light of the global situation, we are establishing new guidelines to ensure that we provide the maximum amount of safety to all participants who attend the retreats.

We will be following the guidelines provided by the Brazilian government which you can find below, and adding any necessary precautions suitable for the retreats.

In the Itacare area, where we are located, there are very low number of COVID cases.

We will update this section when new information is available.
Content listed here is subject to change.

If you have any questions, please contact us.

Brazilian Government Recommendations for COVID-19

  • Wash your hands frequently with soap and water;
  • if water and soap are not available or when hands are not visibly dirty, an alcohol-based hand sanitizer may be used;
  • Maintain at least a 1-metre distance between yourself and others;
  • Wear a mask, that covers your nose, mouth and chin;
  • Practice respiratory hygiene;
  • Avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth;
  • Be aware of the situation of your destination and follow the guidelines of local public health authorities;
  • Avoid spaces that are closed, crowded or involve close contact;
  • Monitor your health for COVID-19 symptoms and, if you feel unwell:
    – seek medical attention;
    – stay self-isolated as recommended by local health authorities.

Anyone who wants to enter in Brazil must present a negative Covid RT-PCR test taken within 72 hours prior to boarding the flight and travelers must fill out an affidavit (printed or digitally), with the written acknowledgement to the health measures that must be complied with during the period that they will remain in the country. You can find more information about the affidavit here.

Prior to leaving Brazil, depending on the requirements of your destination country, you may be required to present an RT-PCR test taken within 72 hours of your departure. In this case, we recommend you to budget the required time of 4 hours to take the test and get the results in Sao Paulo airport.

Please note that Itacare and Ilheus do not have RT-PCR testing centers.

Spirit Vine Guidelines for COVID-19

If you will arrive in Brazil more than 3 days before the start of the retreat, then you need to do another Covid test (quick Covid test) before entering our center and send the results to me by email.

Spirit Vine Cancellation Policy for COVID-19

If you have paid for a retreat and you are not able to participate for major reasons like travel restrictions due to Covid-19, then you may apply your credit to another retreat of the same value for a period of 2 years.