We spend the days walking, experiencing, breathing, eating … some of us with moods that goes high and low; others with an inexplicable sadness that seems eternal and endless and many others on autopilot without wanting to know what goes on inside and without understanding things outside. For sure, without question, there should be some others, experiencing some kind of happiness.
One day the earth moves, death knocks on the door, love moves away, disease succumbs. Or simply, without dramatizing so much, we can’t continue with our lives automatically without having or feeling that we can do something different. Something wakes us up and speaks to us from far away. Maybe this is the time to learn something new. Have you ever experienced a moment that you felt you didn’t belong to anything? or that a lot of things happened inside and outside and the only thing you needed was a gentle and tender hand that made you feel loved and that everything is perfect just the way it is?
This is where I like to think that things can be define by themselves in the infinite universe, without us having to give them a name or adjective or a judgment or sentence; that the world itself show us a range of possibilities and variety of colors, even to those who consider themselves atheist or skeptical or spiritual. We do not need to be labeled because at the end of the day everything is perspective, right. What do you think of the perspective? A yoga teacher I met used to explain it with the analogy using a dog and a pen. He started his class picking up a pen and asking us, what do you see? So we replied, it is a pen. And then he asked, if a dog comes and see this, what does he sees or think about it? To us humans, the pen is an instrument used to write, color, or draw. To a dog, it’s a toy-just something else to chew on. You could get angry with the dog for chewing up your favorite pan, but it’s actually pointless. The dog has a whole other perspective. The dog doesn’t know that pens are used for anything else but chewing on.
I must confess how fast the theory is forgotten. I have been, many days or I’ll rather say many months in pause. Pause in order to concentrate to observe and ask many questions as possible. And by the way, have you noticed that adults stop asking as many questions as we use to do as children? why will it be?
Finally, in this silence I realized the intense noise that was in my mind. The bigger the noise became, the bigger a violent shadow appeared. It made me succumb. And at the same time, in the moment of surrender, it seemed that I could see silhouettes of angels, colors that embraced me to give me strength and comfort.
This reminded me of a recent observation by another teacher saying that sometimes she felt very euphoric and sometimes very sad, which in this 20th century some doctors label it as “bipolarity”. (I don’t like doctors very much). And for me, however, this so-called bipolarity, is like the dance of the northern lights.
For those who have seen the auroras (northern lights), might know that sometimes they appear with an impressive force, color and beauty, evidently ephemeral because the can disappear very quickly and can become nothing or storm or snow.
Anyway, in this pause I have concluded that this mysterious cosmos has presented me my total light and my total shadow (I hope not bipolarity), to observe and embrace it, as simply as that, without further ado. And since I’m so banal, it has been one of the hardest experiences that I have ever had.
Many years ago I left my country. And as many stories of citizens of the world, our roots grow and are strengthened by a natural process of our cultural identity. And if we feel proud of them, it is also a strong allied to overcome challenges, to hide in that identity, to justify ourselves, definitely to wear a mask. But this is also an aurora boreal dance, ephemeral, because I think it will take a lifetime or more to define who we are, right?
Not long ago, precisely in this process of embracing the shadow, someone told me: “Why do you get angry or why do you respond like that? you are supposed to be spiritual. I was happy to realize that I don’t think there are many spiritual beings on this earth (in my opinion), but we are many beings taking the spirituality as a path, as an investigation process, when we adults have thousands of questions to ask and it seems that in these books, in these articles, documentaries, in this courses, retreats, we can approach a minimum of understanding.
I realize that many things happen around us and I come again with perceptions, they are so personal. In fact, WHAT is it the truth? What is real or unreal? What is right or wrong?
A lot of “alternative medicine” has arisen: family constellations, reiki, theta healing, hoponopono, acupuncture, magneto therapy, etc. And I find all of them fascinating, great mysteries emerge so we continue discovering this world. And still there is always a lot to improve, we as beings and as a society. We should live trusting and worry less, dance like the northern lights. Overall, we are ephemeral as well.
After these last months of confrontation with myself, trying to put my strength and concentration in the present moment, I think that I only have one question, one path (for now) and something to be done.
- How can I be better?
- Love is the only mission of human beings (to learn to love)
- Because of this search and need to connect with all the above, I want to find love from my inner source to be the best version of me, for myself and therefore to be better harmonize in this society.
Author: Bellali Austria
